a · novel · conundrum

I should be reading my cognitive psychology article on Visual Working Memory but really, the procrastinator in me is giving me all these tempting diversions. (If I want to console myself, I might say that one of the reasons why selection fails in attention because of the problem of inhibition of return- or the tendency to skip material/stimuli that has already been learnt/perceived... so it's not my fault if i find reading articles boring. it's just the way my brain works! i am learning useful things in cognitive psychology that gives me all sorts of reason to accept that I have my limitations. God, it gets depressing sometimes.)

ANYWAY.

Here are 5 habits I never had in Singapore, but developed here:
1. Wearing house slippers in rooms. Because we(Amelia and I) don't clean the floor that often. Bo pian!
2. Packing my study desk and stacking my books nicely so they have a semblance of neatness. Because I don't really like to wake up to a cluttered desk. I never did this in Singapore. I wrecked my entire house last year with lecture notes, tutorials and prelim papers strewn everywhere. So it's unnerving that I am apparently neater now!
3. Being (slightly) more friendly. I'm no social butterfly, I never had a ton of friends in school. Just those close friends that make you comfortable no matter what. But when you meet random people around the campus here, you have to arm yourself with conversation starters. It's times like these I find it useful that my mum's from hong kong and my sister's in boston now. Oh, and that I'm a singaporean, with some degree of fluency in mandarin and cantonese.haha.
4.?
5.??

Ran out of ideas.

Been eating too much muffins/brownies and other fattening food.

humdeedumdeedum.

L'isle Joyeuse (Debussy) has been stuck in my head for the longest time. I keep listening to it when I wake up, before I go to sleep, when I'm studying, when I'm spacing out.It plays in my head, an invisible tape, during lectures.

hokay, see ya later, alligator.

Am in USA now! woe is me. I look at the list of homework i have and really, ce n'est pas bien. or like, yokunai desu neeeeeeee.

It came upon me today,that I've never exactly been honest with myself, nor have I actually picked myself up from whatever past hurts I have. (If you even call those trvialities hurts). I've watched people move on, when I thought that they had a well of lingering sentiments.I always keep a blind eye to my shortcomings and turn away from them so i don't have to boldly acknowledge them.

what is wrong with me!

I need more self-assertion, security, and courage.

oh, and singaporean food, and a regimented, organized life!!

My parents went back to hong kong again, but i'm alright because i've got enough cash to keep me going and a card to save my life.

My first driving lesson was... alright. except for the few completely stupid and goblok-ish mistakes, like opening the car boot when i was supposed to adjust my backseat, and stalling the engine a gazillion times.

c'est tout.

sadly, this is all i have to tell you about my wildly boring and uneventful life. yesterday's dinner would have a better story to tell you than i do.

have fun kiddos!

French has been filling my life, so very much. je suis tres reconnaisant.
french classes are making me feel how... 'international' singapore is. It's the interesting mix of people and their backgrounds, what they do and what they want to do. All that 'foreign talent' talk now is starting to kick in. (thank you mr lee, we love you. what would we do without you????)

on hindsight, a level results were... alright. if i could have done it a second time, i don't think i would have put in more effort. i was reaching my limit towards the end and became horribly distracted by weird, random shit. but i survived, and am getting my ass in hopkins come fall(or should be, at least).

i am such an inconsistent and unsettled person. No darling, it's not effervescence. It's something more insidious, that surreptitiously creeps over me and makes me fickle and flighty... although i do my best to maintain that unruffled look. (hand over that oscar NOW). like how the paragraphs of this entry don't link, or have completely no relation to each other. or, whether i capitalise the letters after fullstops depending on my mood. or how i was so into piano just a few weeks back, and how that interest is ebbing into near oblivion. or how i suddenly had this panic attack about studying in the US when i was previously doggedly determined. etcetctetcetc.

i live my life in random b u r s t s.


New Year Resolution #1: (Better late than never)
Stop being half- hearted.

I am acting on yuntian's beckoning. And hence I blog:

I think that i'd like to make a list right here, right now. Listing things/mundane occurences gives me a feigned measure of control over events that are swirling haphazardly in my head. I derive some comfort from it.

1. I am secretly lonely, because my parents aren't here, and won't be for some time. Not that I'd talk to them alot if they were here- I'll probably hole myself in my room and they, theirs- that missing physical presence just gets to you sometimes. savvy?

2. I'm spending cash, fast.

3. I have walked my dog 2 times, and he has fallen into the drain 4 times.

4. Playing the piano is a daily routine now because i'm just so.... free. Plus, it makes me rather happy. But i hated playing the piano for exams. It annoyed the hell out of me.

5. I need to buy my French book.( I've been putting it off for 2 weeks. )

6. I can live without knowing my A level results. kjngbfkbneconskjnhdrkfnhdfkjGPrjndfkbnfk

7. I was not completely satisfied with dim sum dollies.

good night,
sleep tight,
stranger.

i am blogging! for once since forever, namely because a girl named Isabella deleted her blog and it got me thinking about this sad, forlorn dump.

Holidays are here, and my first week's gone before you can even say "shit". SATS was a near debacle and i'm still lapsing into epileptic fits over it.

I want to go overseas to study so bad, it hurts. I'd like New York or Boston thank you very much. In fact, 80% of the universities i'm applying to will be in Boston or New York.

I also need direction desperately. It's like, passion vs. practicality. (and we all know that I'm a Singaporean. Not that being practical is bad, or anything. )

But now, I need to mug. Econs is a mammoth-sized disaster that is just waiting to happen. DAMN YOU Keynes and Freidman. Actually, damn the great depression. If that never happened, there'd be no fiscal policy and if fiscal policy never happened, there'd be no monetary policy, so there.

Of course, that being said, I'm awfully myopic. Shoot me, buster.

i've been trying to imagine a colour that i've never seen before. but this seems to be a remote possibility. maybe we're too governed by our perceptions of colours so that any more imagination is... fruitless.

on a side note, i'm drowning in math tutorials. i cannot do them! i'm too stupid!

i need to exchange brains with a genius.

my sister turns around to tell me something, but my back is against her.

"Isn't the speaker for this fantastic?"

By this, she means her laptop, from which she blares some acapella music and that annoying rihanna song.

It's a little too fantastic for my own good- i think to myself but i do not say. I don't reply her.

Until she asks if it's bothering her,my lips are shut. Instead, I have earphones plugged snugly and comfortably in my ear. I'm listening to music that is more suited to me. Mellow music, that is vaguely instrumental, vaguely electronica and largely indie. The volume is up to drown out rihanna and that astonishingly crisp and feminine voice that has become anathema to my ears.

Thank goodness, she just asked.

i am sitting in front of my computer now and so are you. very good.

Meet edie sedgwick. companion of Andy Warhol during his Factory days. pixie-ish beauty. i like!

ares night was..........................alright. nothing like what i expected.....dm,bndflbnorhlbitkorldbtrhh.

and okay. that is all. i laughed so hard in school this week because of the whole hc collar pin embedded in bread saga. oh geez, that was hell funny!